Welcome to My Mind

God is Love

God is love. He just got me out of a tough situation. Those were five minutes of hell I tell you. I had gone to Mawanga to buy some groceries and so I carried my two phones. When I got to Mawanga however I found out I had only one phone on me. I couldn’t stress myself right then since I thought maybe I had left one in the house. So I walked back, met with my Friend Ranjos whom we continued walking together towards my home. I left him sitting down at our chill spot. Guess what happened when I got to the house? Yes, no smartphone. My recently purchased phone was missing.

Sweating profusely, many thoughts invaded my head. I kept doing the math of what it would cost to get gadgets to access the internet. Internet is one of the primary things that gets my life going. Then I remembered how I had lied to people the previous month of how I had lost my phone and couldn’t be on WhatsApp and Facebook. All I saw was karma doing her thing. Karma is a she, right? I wanted out of WhatsApp and Facebook because I wanted to focus on me. Sometimes I feel these apps are a source of distraction. So I had to do something, I had to get an excuse to ‘stay away’.  I then decided to ‘lose’ my phone.  Tell you what? Those friends you have on your WhatsApp; those you chat with frequently? Most of them are not real. ‘Lose’ your phone, get out of social media. See who’ll look for you via calls or texts. Those who call and send you texts  are your real ones. Some of my friends called and sent texts. Few actually, around four or five. That is how I knew my true friends. One friend, in particular, Lizzie, constantly called. I didn’t return her calls and I felt bad about it. That’s how I knew she truly cares.

I couldn’t control the sweating. I tried calling the two lines on the phone but they were both dead. I concluded right there that I had dropped it on my way to Mawanga and now it is the hands of another human being who has switched it and probably thrown my lines to some bush. Then I remembered I had diverted the calls on one of the lines, Safaricom, to my mulika mwizi. The other one was Faiba, and as far as know, the network does not allow calls. This didn’t make me feel any better because the phone was still missing. I went back to meet Ranjos and narrated to him the predicaments that had befallen his nigga. I shouted to him, telling him how I’m smartphoneless. Summarized for him what happened then I decided to check some small road I tried to pass while going to Mawanga. The road passes through a church which also doubles as a school. On some days it’s open, on some days it isn’t. On this particular day, it was closed. So I had to go walk back and use the long way. Guess what? I saw my phone shining at me. Telling me “thank you for coming back for me” I was happy.  That is how I knew God loves me. God is love.

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The Beards Conundrum

Let me tell you a story of how Mose solved one of the greatest dilemmas a man can face. With the help of the wisest man I know, Big Sam, Mose got maintain two girlfriends with diverse needs. I should first point out that Mose knows his way around women. He’s the type of a guy who’ll lay any woman he wants. He is the guy I go to when I have relationship problems. There are claims, although unproven, that he has 112 girlfriends and counting. Who knows how many there are at the time of writing this post. Let’s just say “Kevo” should have been his name.  We call him King Solomon sometimes. Not only because of the number of women he lays, but also because of his wisdom in solving women-related issues. This time, however, Mose faced a quandary he couldn’t solve despite his big brains.

I knew the issue was grave when instead of sharing it in our WhatsApp group, he called us on a three-way phone call. Up to now, I haven’t understood how that’s possible. After the normal small talk, Mose blurted out his issue. “Wakubwa, nina shida, I need help”. We burst out laughing because he’s always the solution guy but now he was in hot soup! “My new crush wants me to shave my beards!” We knew the issue was serious but we couldn’t contain our laughter. Mose is the type of guy who’ll do anything to win over a new girl. This time his current girlfriend LOVED his beards and as he described it, he was “caught between a rock and a hard place”. I wanted to ask which girl was the rock and which one was the hard place but the solemnity of the dialogue wouldn’t let me dispense such a joke.  Mose made it clear that he wanted to please both girls, that’s what he does always anyways.  I told him outright, “hapa mimi siwezikusaidia, utakuwa ujeuri wako”.  All this while, Big Sam hadn’t said anything tangible. Guess it’s true what they say, still waters run deep!

“Mose, mimi hukwambia utafute dame mmoja uachane na hizi mashida. This is what you are going to do anyway: shave half of your beards, either right side or left side” We both laughed at this idea but Big Sam continued, “Then go to your current girlfriend and tell her that you’d been contemplating shaving your beards for quite some time and now you’ve done it and left some for her, because you know, she has a say in the relationship. As for your new crush, you’ll tell her you love your beards but decided to shave half for her”. We laughed but decided this was the only way he was going to keep both girlfriends! Sam concluded that “If your current girlfriend loves you, she’ll let you shave the whole of it and you’ll have your way with your new crush.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what happened. The relationship with the new crush didn’t last though and Mose grew his beards back; now he looks like Biblical Moses.

 

The best and perhaps the only way of addressing the recurrent incidences of murders and gender-based violence is teaching our young people right from a young age that they are equal to their female counterparts. It is almost impossible for a man to respect a woman when he’s been brought up in a culture and society that dehumanizes the female gender. When you are brought up in a society the woman has always been submissive and the man exercises full dominance over her, you’ll grow up knowing the male figure is superior. This indoctrination is the root of almost all the male-perpetrated gender violence we are experiencing now. Education does its part in raising the equality perception but it cannot override the norms instilled in the family environment and male social circles. Sadly, the case of Ivy Wangeci is not going to be the last one. Few people can decondition themselves from the norms and beliefs instilled by the social environment. As for the rest, it is going to take the long process of social reconditioning.

The end of the world

My girlfriend and I were hiking up a hill and then strange things started happening. There were some explosions, and the world around us started changing. You could see the uneven ground up in the sky. The valley could not be seen anymore but some people hasting down. I told my girlfriend that we should run towards the mountain top because we could see the terrain well. She agreed and we ran towards the top with other people. She is a good runner by the way. Somehow I was carrying her bag while we were running. My phone was in my hand. Suddenly she asks me to put the phone in the bag only to find out that the bag was not there. I hadn’t dropped it far back anyway. I rushed back to pick it and we continued running. Up the hill, we found this small town with matatus carrying people to town. Even before we could board, a strong orange light appeared from the sky. I kept thinking this was the end of the world so I said a prayer asking God to forgive my sins. I covered my girlfriend as the light became stronger and the sound louder. With a loud thud, something landed, it was a spaceship and some creatures alighted. They were smaller than the average human and had elongated extensions from their heads to their abdomen.  I told my girlfriend that she shouldn’t worry because they are harmless. We arose and the leader came forward with a microphone. I uttered, “I did not know you existed”. He responded with something Sheldon would say while passing the microphone to any human who would want to say something. With that earlier uttering, I had an upper hand and he gave it to me. I said, “I never knew this would come, I am so excited you are here”. You could also see that everyone around us anticipated the occurrence.  The leader instructed other aliens in the ship to board another one. One by one, we entered the spaceship which had small seats but we were all excited like we were going to some ‘home’. In there I found Sheldon fighting with another human over a seat. I asked Leonard if he could kindly move aside so that my girlfriend and I could sit together. He agreed but my girlfriend had already found a space for the two of us. I heard some sounds which woke me up from this dream. I can’t believe it’s just a dream.

‘Friendship isn’t a big thing, it is a little million things’. This is a quote from a series I’m so into recently. Not only is it entertaining, but it also captures almost every emotion there is to feel. This is a show that you need to watch as soon as you can. Some of the key themes portrayed include friendship, love, betrayal, suicide, depression, family, starting a business, and most importantly, forgiveness. I was hooked right from the first episode. There are seven episodes that are out right now but I have only watched four. I couldn’t finish the last three because I love saving good things for later. So go to your movie guy and get ‘a million little things’. Before I forget, one character, uncle Garry, is extremely lovable. He also looks like Giroud, but a little shorter. So, ladies, you gon love this one. Please grab your popcorns cause this is the series that gets you pressing next and declining calls

KWAMESA GISORE

Dear Ordinary Mwananchi,

Ride with me on a reality mental flight. Imagine you had an ordinary 9-5 Job paying a monthly salary of Ksh.190,000 or you were a front office secretary earning Ksh.200,000 per month or a nurse earning Ksh.245,000 per month. These salaries can comfortably afford you a decent house in a leafy suburb and we are not talking about Kinoo and a good car, definitely not a Premio.

Imagine such an income at your disposal and your local bank’s lending rates and national inflation are much lower than the growth rates of Kenya’s current economy. You can confidently start that business that you always think about. With 200K as your monthly income, you can afford taking foreign vacations to your dream destinations where you visit, break some of their laws and get away scot free because the host country wouldn’t want to spoil the moods of a first…

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Baringo Si Kenya

Have you watched the Dennis Okari’s report about Pokot Territory? He journeys to Baringo to interview Pokot warriors about their unending conflicts with the Tugen, Njembs, and Marakwet communities. From the way the warriors are carrying guns, you can tell they are used to the kind of life. The report revealed some unsettling information about the Pokot community and the ongoing conflicts with neighbouring tribes.

It is okay among the Pokot people to carry guns around. This tells you the Pokot do not live by the laws of the nation. How do they own guns? Where do they get them? How long have they been having them? It is clear that these people have been neglected, and the government does not care about them. Sad thing is, former President Moi hails from the region. Despite ruling the nation for 24 years, he did not implement substantive education policies in the region. I am very sure if Moi had put education initiatives in Baringo, we wouldn’t be having the problem right now. We wouldn’t be having the Pokots carrying guns around like a walking stick.

Revenge is necessary for the Pokot community. The Pokots are vengeful people. If you attack them, they are going to attack back. The problem is, their level of revenge is not proportional to the level of initial attack. If at all the other community also regards revenge as necessary, the conflicts we are seeing are not going to end soon. The Pokots, in particular, are angered by the role the government is playing in the conflicts. They are accusing the government of arming the other communities and also joining forces with them. It is my opinion that once the government forces leave Baringo, the Pokots are just going to pay back. Also, with the high intelligence they are having as portrayed in the report, I don’t see the government disarming them easily. With their level of organization, it will take a high number of military personnel to completely ensure security. Many lives are going to be lost.

Cows are regarded highest among the community. They even value cows more than human life. Yes, even more than the life of one of their own. A Pokot would rather eat a snake than slaughter one of his 100 cows for meat. If a Pokot warrior is shot during the raids, he is left behind while cows and the gun of the dead warrior are secured. Once you are dead, you are dead and forgotten. No special ceremony is held. Isn’t this sad?  The low value placed on life by the Pokot people is what makes it easy for them to kill others and make away with their livestock. Given that they would leave one of their own behind to be eaten by vultures and hyenas, it is clear that they do not value human life. Instead, they treasure cows. They see cows as everything. Sad.

The long-term solution to the issues in Baringo is education. The government should set up structures that would see both young and old people get informed about the modern world. It is sad to see children in the region not attending schools. I believe every kid in the country has the right to education irrespective of where he is born. It is going to take a while, but we cannot just sit there and watch a community remain in Stone Age. It is high-time the county and sub county leaders engage in serious talks with the national government to find a long-lasting solution to the conflicts. In the short-term, instead of arming one community and making the other feel neglected, the government should encourage talks and provide food. With Lake Baringo and the rivers in the region, it won’t be hard to initiate irrigation programmes. The Pokots have to be made aware that livestock is not the only way of life. They need to know that with land and water, you can have enough food even during the dry periods. It is my view that the problem in Baringo is solvable; the different stakeholders just need to have the will

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